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Insecurity

Here are the questions filed under this category. To read Ken's advice on any item, click on the link "Read Ken's Answer."


At our quarterly meeting, one of my colleagues gave a presentation that included overhead projections. On one of his diagrams, I noticed a computational error that changed the accuracy of his conclusion. When I mentioned this in the meeting, I could see him bristle. Afterwards he accused me of destroying his presentation. I don't think I did. Was I out of line?
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My birthday is today, and my manager did not say one word to me about it. When other employees have birthdays, he sends them emails. I am wondering if his action is a sign that he is upset with me or if he thinks I did something wrong. Do you think it would be worthwhile to ask him why I heard nothing from him on my birthday?
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There is a clerk who is supposed to be my backup when I am busy, but she is either playing on the Internet or on long personal calls. Our boss has spoken to her and she stops for a day and then starts again. He does not want a confrontation with her because she's a union employee. How can I convince my boss to correct this situation?
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One of the employees who report to me asks question after question, to the point of disrupting meetings and general conversations. I have been patient with him and tried to help him become a better listener, but nothing works. Can you offer any help?
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I do not know how to deal with an employee who comes to my office several times a day to tell me how well he did on one project or another. He constantly needs to be stroked, and he won't stop talking about what he has accomplished until I tell him what a good job he did.
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Whenever I talk with our manager, he makes me feel stupid, even though my work is just fine. He uses belittling language, and his whole demeanor is condescending. We all know that he is smart, but he seems to take pride in putting the rest of us down. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with him?
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For the first time in my career, I am nervous about losing my job. The company has not replaced people who left during the past few months, and there are rumors all over the place. Do you have any suggestions for people in my situation?
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I am an experienced Credit Manager, and after I took a year off to finish my Master's, I returned to an hourly position for almost three years now. It was supposed to be temporary until I found a better job, but the benefits are good and nothing better has surfaced. I know I am not spending enough time on my job search, but I am not sure of the best way to do it. I cannot take a big drop in salary because I am head of my household, 51 years old, and saving for retirement. What do you advise?
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We were discussing operations in a departmental meeting when our manager misinterpreted some information and made a questionable recommendation. I gingerly corrected him, but he has been upset with me since then, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
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I work in residential real estate sales, and after my partner and I closed a very substantial deal, he gave me an expensive necklace. When my husband saw it, he became upset and said that it was inappropriate and I should give it back. I want to keep it. What do you suggest?
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In reviewing one of the managers, we noticed his tendency to terminate the better employees in his department, and keep many of the plodders. We have some different theories as to what might be behind this, but we would like to know your thoughts on it.
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How do you deal with a co-worker who always uses vocabulary words that most of us don't understand? He quizzes us about their meaning, usually in front of other people, and he then gives the definition.
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My new supervisor is rude, abusive, and intimidated by my previous professional experience and technical knowledge. Although I previously received excellent yearly assessments, he has given me several verbal and written warnings within the first three weeks of reporting to him. I have begun searching for a new position, but I am concerned over what this supervisor will say about me in a reference check, and I fear a backlash from him if I do not obtain the new position. My previous management contacts have moved to other organizations. How do I approach this situation?
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At a meeting with our manager and two members of senior management, our manager answered a question but was not very clear. When one of the senior managers asked several of us for elaboration, I provided it. Afterwards, my manager said thanks for making him look bad. Now he is very aloof. What can I do?
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How do you deal with an employee who has been laid off in two previous jobs and now fears that the next layoff is right around the corner when it is not? I am tired of having him ask me several times a week if he is about to be laid off. How do I get him to stop?
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One of the people in our group went to a prestigious college and constantly brings it up. No matter what kind of project we are working on, sooner or later, he relates it to something about his college. We are all college grads, and we're not impressed with him or his college. We've tried to get the message across, but he doesn't get it. How do we deal with him?
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I am feeling very insecure in my job, and I have occasionally asked my manager if he is going to fire me. Some friends have told me to stop asking this question, but I need to know what my manager is thinking. Is it okay to ask this question once in a while?
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I oversee a customer service department, and I have five reps reporting to me. They all do a good job. My question is how to deal with a rep who repeatedly asks customers to write letters about his good work, and then parades around the office with these letters in hand? Everyone knows that the customers wrote the letters only because they were asked.
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When I receive awards from the company, I put them up in my office, just like most people here do. One person I work with came into my office and said that people who truly accomplish something at work don't need to put awards on their walls. He said I am doing it for my ego. What do you make of his comments?
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My manager suggested I get some supervisory training, so I started taking some classes and I really enjoy them. My issue is that when I try to use some of this training on the job, my manager stops me and he keeps saying that is not how we do things here. What can I do about this? I'm starting to think the training has been a waste of time.
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I presented an analysis at a recent meeting, and one of my associates said that I did a good job for a person who went to a state university. He went to a big-name school and is always reminding everyone about this. I stared at him in shock and did not say anything. I completed my summary and sat down. I think I handled this right, but is it worth saying something to him?
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Whenever I am at a meeting with my manager, he always has a couple of "friendly insults" about me in front of the others. I don't like this, but it is the only thing I don't enjoy about working with him. I don't feel like creating a problem, so I'm not sure what to do.
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How do you deal with an employee who is always fishing for compliments? I manage six people, and one is always telling me about something good that she did. After I compliment her, she is happy and goes back to work. It's getting a little tiring. Do you have any suggestions?
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We have a new employee in our professional group who is always citing or quoting some study or person. There is rarely a need for this in most of our discussions. How do we tell him?
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I work in a bank, and some of the other women I work with claim that I flirt with the male customers. I'm friendly to all the customers, and I resent being called a flirt. How can I change this false image of me?
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One of the people I work with makes himself the center of everything that's discussed. He shrugs off what we say, but we are expected to listen as he talks endlessly about himself. How do we change this?
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One of the managers who reports to me is doing something that I find to be most annoying: whenever he makes a mistake, he asks if he should submit his resignation. I have told him to stop, but he persists anyhow. How do I get him to stop?
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How do you deal with a co-worker who always uses vocabulary words that most of us don't understand? He quizzes us about their meaning, usually in front of other people, and he then gives the definition.
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I helped one of my co-workers on a project and he thanked me a couple of times and that was fine. But, he has not stopped thanking me. Just about every time he sees me, he offers a "thanks again." I told him that he doesn't have to thank me anymore, but he keeps doing it. How do I turn it off?
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I try to volunteer for as much work and as many committees as I possible can. I enjoy doing this type of work, and I know it helps improve my marketability. Several of my fellow employees have said that I am doing this just to get in good with management, and now they hardly ever talk to me. Is there a way to deal with this?
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I am a legal secretary, and my boss is often moody, rude, abrupt, impatient, and unfriendly, and gets very defensive if I even hint about any of this. He said he does not have to apologize to me because I am not his wife. I am doing a good job, and it is hard to find another job. Any advice?
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Over the past year and a half, I have worked for the same manager. During this period, I have put on some weight, and recently he has made some insulting comments about it. I have told him that I don't appreciate it, but he still does it. I'm not looking for trouble or lawsuits. I just want him to stop. What do you suggest?
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I am a very punctual person, and now that I am looking for a job, I try to arrive for an interview around 30 minutes early. I think this sends a good message about my enthusiasm and eagerness, but some of my friends say I should not arrive that early. What do you think?
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My boss likes to be copied on emails we send in our department. Often with mine, he will “reply to all,” restate exactly what I just stated in my email, and then resend it to everyone who just received the message from me. I have politely told him that if there is email he would prefer to send out, he should please let me know so the recipients can avoid a double email, but he continues to restate and resend my email. How can I bring up the subject again?
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I recently hired an employee who has more knowledge and skills in some parts of the job than I have. My concern is that she might make me expendable. How should I deal with her?
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My boss gave me a fairly basic project which I recently completed. I was at lunch with her and three of my fellow employees, and I happened to bring up this project, and she snidely said it was insignificant, meaningless, and not even worth looking at. I was embarrassed, but I did not lash back, even though I wanted to. How do you deal with a boss like this?
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One of my co-workers has a way of prying private or personal information out of me, but he never tells me anything. After we talk, I always feel bad, and I know that I have said too much. I don’t want to wreck communication with him, especially since our jobs require contact with each other, but I want him to stop trying to draw this information out of me. What can I say?
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I am looking for a job, and although I am still in my 30’s, my hair has a lot of gray. I have had interviews for positions that I could definitely handle, but I have not received one offer. Some of my friends say that the problem is that I look older, and their suggestion is for me to dye my hair. Do you think this will help?
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I have an employee who keeps complimenting himself. He'll say what a good job he did on a particular project, and then repeat it several times. I am tired of hearing this, and I wonder if I should tell him to stop.
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