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Friends

Here are the questions filed under this category. To read Ken's advice on any item, click on the link "Read Ken's Answer."


A couple of years ago, I helped a friend get a job. He has done well and was just promoted again. I was recently laid off, and I contacted him to see if he could help me. When he didn't return my call after a week, I called him back, and he still did not call me. Should I try again?
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I have this friend who I socialize with on the weekends and we talk frequently on the phone. We work for the same organization, but in different departments. When we see each other at work, she ignores me. I am confused about this. Is there something about working for the organization that adds an element of competition between us?
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Our branch manager is out of the office a good part of the time. Our one support person spends a large part of her day on personal phone calls (1-4 hours), instant messaging, and long lunches (up to 2 hours). I am the one who has to cover for her, and the hard part is that we are somewhat friendly. Without being the company snitch, how can I bring these kinds of infractions to the manager's attention?
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A friend of mine at work went to my boss and told him that I am having problems with part of my job, and that is just not true. I told this friend a while back that I do not like all the paperwork, but that's it. She told me she went to my boss just to help me. How should I deal with this?
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One of my friends was having a hard time in his job, and I encouraged him to go into sales. He found a sales position with a company in our industry, and now he wants me to buy their products. We are satisfied with our current supplier, and we don't need his. In light of the circumstances, I feel strange saying "no" to him, and I wonder what you suggest.
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A friend of mine is good friends with an individual who works in a senior position at a company where I want to do some business. I asked her if she can open a door for me, and she said she would be glad to. She called her friend and told him to expect a call from me. I have called him four times and he has not returned my call. I'm a little embarrassed to go back to my friend, and I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing.
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I went to lunch with friend who used to work here. I thought he had contacted me just for the sake of being friendly, but the entire lunch conversation was centered on his home based business and how he wants me to be part of his network. I told him I'm not cut out for it, and he said I'm a natural. He just called and gave me five different dates to come to a meeting. How do I turn this off?
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I have a friend at work who corrects my speech in front of others. I have told her that I don't appreciate it, but she keeps doing it. Yesterday, when I said, "Between you and I," she said it's, "Between you and me." I don't even think she's right about that, but it was embarrassing. What should I say to her?
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We have monthly meetings that have turned into monthly beatings. Last month two people thrashed me publicly in the meeting. I informed the department head that if this happens again, I will leave the meeting. One of the people complaining at the meeting has a ten-year friendship with the department head. What do you advise?
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One of my good friends at work is sort of a goof-off and a clown. The other day, my manager came down very hard on me and said that he has seen us fooling around too much and he wants it to stop. I don't spend that much time with him, and I'm not sure how to handle what the manager said.
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I work in an office with approximately 80 employees. I enjoy what I do and I am a hard worker. Another quality I have is minding my own business, no gossiping, no chit-chatting, and no spreading of rumors. I believe some employees perceive this as being stuck-up or anti-social. Is it wrong to mind my own business, or should I be more sociable and outgoing? Outside of the workplace, I am very outgoing.
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I am an accountant in a small commercial real estate company. There is a generous owner, a secretary, another accountant, and myself -- I am female. The secretary and I have always been great friends, but the other accountant is constantly gossiping about me and my work to her. He and the owner are both in love with her, and she is married. She tells me she does not know what to say to the accountant when he wants to vent about me. Do I confront him or ignore them both?
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My manager just told me I'm too friendly with the employees I supervise. I am a friendly manager, but I don't think I've crossed the line, and that's exactly what I told him. He insisted that I be more cautious about this, but I don't know what to do.
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I am a manager, and I am friends with the employees who report to me. The problem is that some of them seem to be taking advantage of the friendship and bending the rules. I need to draw the line, but I don't want to ruin the friendship. How can I do this?
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I was hurt by a friend who said some mean things to me in front of our group. She blamed me for something that is not my fault, and now she somehow thinks I owe her an apology. I approached her and tried to patch things up, and she treated me as if I was a child. I am fuming inside and I do not know what to do.
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One of my co-workers and I occasionally work together on assignments from our manager. I had considered this co-worker a friend. He and I discussed a particular project to improve operations in our area, and our manager discussed it later with him when I was out of the office. Instead of working with me on it, my "friend" did it himself and took all the credit. It was an easy and very visible project. I am upset and want to know the best way to handle this.
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My manager is about to be promoted, and he told me to apply for his job. I want the job, but one of my best friends here wants it too, and she asked me not to apply. I don't feel like ruining a friendship, but I don't want to miss an opportunity. What do you suggest?
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I have always tried to help my friends, and I made phone calls for two of them when they were out of work. Now they are working and I am not, but they won't lift a finger to help me. Any suggestions?
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I was just promoted over several of my friends, and now they hardly talk to me. I thought they would be happy for me, but I was sure wrong about that. I wonder why I even tried for this promotion. What should I do?
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There is one person I work with whom I regard as a friend, but he is always borrowing one thing or another from me, and he rarely returns them. I have a lot of regular contact with him, and I don't want to create a problem by saying "no." What should I do?
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One of my friends at work recently signed up with a multi-level marketing organization and wants me to do likewise. The products seem fine, but my "gut feel" is that this is not for me. She keeps telling me to forget about "gut feel" and listen to the facts. The only reason I would join is that I don't want to lose a friend. What should I do?
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I came up with a good idea to improve the way that our department works, and I mentioned it to one of my friends here. The next thing I knew, she presented it to our manager. He thinks the idea is terrific, and now my friend is some sort of hero. What should I do?
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I was upset with one of my fellow employees, and I made a comment about her in confidence to one of my friends at work. My friend broke our trust and told her what I said. I'm very upset and don't know what to do now.
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For the past year, I have been working in a small office with one other person. We worked well together until two months ago when a new employee was brought on to join us. She befriended my co-worker, and now it's the two of them against me. I am upset with both of them, and I'm not sure what to do now.
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It's very apparent to everyone that our manager shows favoritism toward me. While I have no problem with this, the issue is that my friends are giving me a bad time about it. How do I handle them?
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Our company had a project that we needed to contract out, and one of my friends got it based mainly on my recommendation. He just submitted it, and the work is not acceptable. I think my reputation is damaged, and I'm wondering what to do.
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One of my friends is convinced that he has great suggestions that are always rejected because our manager does not like him. My friend wanted to test this out by having me present one of his suggestions. Only because he is a friend, I did it. Our manager shot it down, but my friend said he has other better suggestions and wants me to try again. I don't want to. What should I do?
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For the most part, I like my job. The work is interesting and my pay seems fair. The problem is that most people here are not friendly. There are many loners and a few small cliques, and that bothers me. I have reached out to a few people, but I get nowhere. Do you have any suggestions?
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My supervisor constantly plays practical jokes on me, especially in front of others. Things are said about me in a playful way, but others donít know this person is playing around. I enjoy a good joke, but when I am trying to work it becomes hurtful and annoying. The other issue is that my supervisor is one of my closest friends. This makes it hard for me to say anything. What can I do?
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One of our co-workers is getting married in the spring, and she has been spending huge amounts of time on the Internet and telephone planning her wedding. She is our friend, and we will probably be invited to the wedding, but it is difficult to keep covering for her. Her work is falling behind, and so is ours. What should we do?
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A friend at work and I discussed some problems I was having on a particular assingment. Afterwards, he tood what I said and went to our boss. Without any notification, our boss took the assignment from me and gave it to my friend, and neither one informed me. I heard about the change from another co-worker. I am very upset. What should I do?
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I have worked at a family owned doctors office for eight years.My administrator is one of the doctors sons, and his sister in law has worked in billing and coding forever. I worked as a nurse, until I was asked two years ago if I wanted to transfer over to billing. I did and things were good. I shared an office with sister in law, and we got along fine. Another nurse, whom I considered to be my best friend, was asked if she wanted to transfer as well, about 7 months after I did. There was not enough room in our office for someone else, so she was put in one by our administrators office. I had to find out through the grapevine that she was transferring, & found it strange that she didn't tell me, so I began snooping and found out she was given $4 more an hour than I. I didn't say anything, I just asked for a raise and got it, but during all this, sister in law would talk to me about her, and I admit I talked back for a little while b/c I was angry about her not telling me she was transferring and acting all shady. I started feeling bad, so I stopped fueling the fire when she would come try to talk about her to me. I guess she realized that I wasn't going to trash my friend anymore, and she has now moved into the office with her. When she comes in (at whatever time she feels, cause she's in the family) she never comes by to tell me hello, and unless I go to ask a question or take something to their office neither one of them would ever come and speak to me. She acts fine when I initiate a conversation, but I am being completely ignored, and I don't understand why. And I can't say anything to by boss because that is his sister in law!!! What can I do??
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For the past 3/4 months I have been having issues with a new lady at the office, we used to be friends and without any falling out or fight just drifted apart. I noticed this and to avoid any negativity I addressed this with her, I thought everything was fine. About a month after this discussion I started noticing that she 'forgot' discussions we had had, to the point where I lost my temper (I apologized to everyone the next day). Her excuse was that nothing was 'formalized' in email. While we have always been a very informal workplace I have attempted to 'formalize' all my arrangements from then on. She has now bonded with another lady at the office, to the point that even the upper management is commenting on the fact that they can't pee without each other. It seems that the 2 of them are purposefully excluding me from conversations about projects that I am in charge of, and last week she submitted formal documentation about a project that I participated in without listing me on it at all. I found these documents in the printer room of the office. I know if I confront her about it she will have 'forgotten'. She leaves me to pick up projects that she 'just doesn't have time for' but barely puts in 6 hours a day at the office. I have spoke to my direct manager about this, and she is sympathetic, but seems to be unable to do anything. Our line manager is aware of the situation and offered to step in, but I am hesitant to involve him in something so petty - I am afraid that it will damage my reputation. I don't know what to do any more, the situation is so tense that my health is starting to suffer. I am 10 years her junior and more valuable to the company, if it is jealousy what can I do? Should I escalate this further? I love my job but am seriously considering packing my bags if this continues. Please help!
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