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Insecurity Listening Self-Insight Bragging

One of the people I work with makes himself the center of everything that's discussed. He shrugs off what we say, but we are expected to listen as he talks endlessly about himself. How do we change this?



Your associate's behavior is typical of people who are best described as "security-challenged." They quickly dance through the motions of listening to others, while viewing every discussion as an invitation to a tale about themselves. No matter what the topic, they are always ready to pounce with, "That reminds me of when I...."

In fact, one of the real tell-tale signs of a card-carrying egocentric is the number of times that "I" and "me" invade their conversations.

Dealing with a fellow employee who fills his speech with self-talk is a straightforward matter. If there are business issues to discuss, then you should discuss them. When "I" and "me" start to make their appearance, all you need to do is show some assertiveness and direct the conversation back to the business issue at hand, or, if the discussion is about to end, you can easily excuse yourself on the basis that you have work to do.

A more basic question is why you feel you are "expected to listen" to his stories. He is a fellow employee at your job level, and you are under no formal obligation to remain riveted as he waxes eloquently about himself. Many people are concerned about being impolite in these situations, but by acting in a businesslike way, you can end a conversation without ending a working relationship. Frankly, many self-talkers are used to having their stories abridged.

By letting the self-talker ramble on, you are actually sending him a message that you are interested in his tales of glory. In essence, you are rewarding the behavior, so he is even more likely to repeat it.

This means that the best way to change this situation is to change your behavior. If you are thinking about trying to change his, it is important to note that the behavior of the self-talker is a direct reflection of his personality, and it would be easier for you to change planes in mid-air than change that. In fact, if you were to give him some friendly feedback regarding his tendency to turn every conversation into a diatribe about himself, you would soon hear, "That reminds me of when I...."




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