When an employee prefers to play defense when you try to provide feedback, there are a few steps that can make him a better receiver.
In the first place, be sure that your feedback is as close to the questionable behavior as possible. The longer the delay, the more the incident will fade into his memory, making it all the easier to distort and deny whatever happened.
Secondly, focus your comments on specific behavior and not on labels that describe it. For example, if this individual acted carelessly on the job, the feedback should not be to tell him that he is careless. Rather, you should describe the careless behavior and briefly review the kinds of problems that it can cause.
The next step is to ask the employee what he or she can do to prevent this kind of problem in the future. This is not the time for pie-in-the-sky comments such as, "I'll try harder." Rather, you should work with the employee to set some specific behavioral objectives and some equally specific strategies to meet them.
Your role in this process is more as a coach than an evaluator. The idea is to work with this employee to improve his performance. If he still becomes overly defensive, then it is time to give him the same kind of feedback on that behavior. | 
